One morning, Helizabeth took Herky out for his morning walk–Hen is on mornings most days, but it was a holiday and those are usually Helizabeth’s. Herky and Helizabeth were playing fetch when Hulie came in with Hurphy and Hex and another dog. Helizabeth and Hulie had a brief conversation but perhaps the longest they’d ever had. Something like Hey. Hey. Dust from the construction is terrible, huh? Awful, yeah. I cleaned up a ton of their garbage, too. They never clean it up. I’m always doing that. Yeah, I had to tell a guy to put his beer bottles in the trash. What guy? I dunno, some guy that told me he lives right over here. I know that guy, he doesn’t live there. I heard he got his girlfriend pregnant and she doesn’t want anything to do with him so he comes out here to drink. Oh. I know, can you believe it? I’ve told him so many times… Are you dog sitting this weekend? Story of my life. Hulie says it like it’s a perpetual drag, this thing she chose to do for a living. Still, Helizabeth, we guess, feels bad for judging Hulie so harshly because Hulie’s sadness is so obvious, and sees a small window where maybe they’ll have a conversation in the positive someday, maybe chat about Grey’s Anatomy or Britney Spears or something.
Something else that is known by all parties: Hex is a ball hog. You pretty much can’t have Hex and a ball in the park together if you’re interested in holding onto that ball. If Hex gets the ball, the ball belongs to Hex. Otherwise, Hex is pretty agreeable as dogs go. Usually, Helizabeth will take the ball away from Herky when Hex comes in, but in this case, waited until it was too late, and an incident occurred.
There are differences of opinion about the specifics of this incident, but the result was that Herky, no longer a shy, sickly puppy, emboldened by his health and new robustness, decided not to allow the taking of the ball, and a brief dogfight occurred. Helizabeth and Hulie broke the fight up quickly, but not before Hex left with a cut on his lip and Herky left with a small but deep gash in his side.
Helizabeth’s solution to this problem was to avoid the dog park around lunchtime.
A couple of weeks went by and Helizabeth was at the park with Herky around 11 am when Hulie was leaving to pick up her dogs. What we could make of it: Hulie came over and tried to start a conversation about it. Something like, Listen, I’m hearing that you’re going around saying Hex attacked your dog and that’s not what happened. Helizabeth said something like Where did you hear that and Hulie said Dog park gossip, and Helizabeth said Well I never said attacked, I said bit, and Hulie said But why were you even talking about it and Helizabeth said Look at that gash, people were asking, even the vet was like Whoa, what happened here and Hulie said You didn’t have to take him to the vet, and Helizabeth said What? And Hulie said Did he get stitches? And Helizabeth said No and Hulie said Then you didn’t need to go to the vet and Helizabeth, getting to that point in the argument where you start defending yourself by making lists, she said Okay, A) we didn’t know if he needed stitches or not, and B) who are you to tell me whether I should take my dog to the vet, and Hulie said I see it all the time, dogs get cut up, it’s no big deal, Helizabeth said Okay, whatever, this has nothing to do with anything, and Hulie said Anyways I just didn’t like what I heard, and Helizabeth said, Well I told you the truth, and Hulie said But that’s not what I heard what I heard was attacked, and this attacked vs. bit thing went around a few more times and Helizabeth said Look, I can’t make you believe me and then at this point there was a rehashing of the incident, Hulie said that Herky started it and Helizabeth said No, Herky growled as if to warn Hex off, and then Hex went after Herky, and Hulie said That’s not true because you had your back turned, you don’t even know, and Helizabeth at this point was starting to lose it, and we’ve never seen her like this before, although it’s not unbelievable, we imagine her as the sort of person who can remain calm through quite a number of circumstances way worse than a fight at the dog park, but then will reach a point where she begins to lose it, and this was that point, and Helizabeth raised up her arms dramatically and said Are you joking me? I was facing you, we were talking, and the dogs were between us and Hulie said Well I don’t know and Helizabeth said Well I know! I know! and Hulie also said Hex is a nice dog but a lot of people are saying they don’t want to come in here when Herky’s here, and Helizabeth said WHAT, WHAT, who, who are these a lot of people, and Hulie named a dog and Helizabeth said Herky and that dog were friends until he started a fight with Herky, and his mom knows that, and Hulie said Well I’m just telling you what I hear, that a lot of people are afraid of Herky and Helizabeth said Who else? And Hulie, whose unaffected demeanor only served to further raise Helizabeth’s hackles, named this other dog and Helizabeth said That is the most ill-mannered dog whose parents have no control over him whatsoever, and he harasses Herky, not the other way around and those people know it too. Everyone leaves the park when that dog comes in. And Hulie said Well I’m just telling you what I hear and Helizabeth said Who else and Hulie said Well that’s all I know and Helizabeth said Well that’s two dogs which isn’t a lot especially since it’s them and not Herky so I don’t see how that’s a lot, actually I don’t see how that’s any, especially considering I heard your boyfriend bragged about Hex eating a puppy for lunch. Which at that moment was arguably neither here nor there, we had the impression that this was a point Helizabeth might have used more effectively at a different point in her argument. Hulie told her If he did say that I'm sure it was a joke and Helizabeth said that that wasn’t the impression she had and Hulie said Well I don’t know alls I know is there’s a lot of gossip and I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable or like whoever wants to come here can’t come here. And at this point Helizabeth appeared to be at a loss for words but finally said Well, I feel like it’s understood that this is your corner, and Hulie said Well I’m sorry if I gave you that impression, did I give you that impression? and Helizabeth said I don’t know if you gave it to me but that’s the impression I have and Hulie said Well I’m sorry about that, I don’t want to give that impression and Helizabeth shrugged like she thought Hulie really did want to give that impression and said Well it’s just a little intimidating and Hulie said Well that’s too bad, like she meant it, like she was genuinely implying that it was too bad that Helizabeth felt too intimidated to come back to the park but that she’d probably get over it fast enough even though just that holiday morning, before the incident, our guess is that Hulie had started to turn a corner on Helizabeth, thinking maybe she wasn’t so bad. It seemed to us like in that moment they both knew the other wasn’t so bad but that they’d had their shot and it was over. We also speculate that Hulie, still stung by the junior-high make-out debacle with Hennifer, was less surprised than mildly disappointed, and that Helizabeth still thought she was better than Hulie anyway. This may seem like all of it except in reality it went on for nearly an hour and also it was about seventeen degrees outside at the time.
What was learned? Immediately after the incident, Helizabeth thought it was a strong indicator that it was time to leave Hicago or at least to move off the block.
We speculate that Helizabeth and Hulie both had long conversations with their significant others, maybe more than one, and that Hoger and Hen both stood by their women, and that requests were put in by both women that the other not be mentioned again unless they were prepared for an argument, rational or otherwise. All we know for sure is that Helizabeth doesn’t go to the park at noon anymore and Hulie still doesn’t smile.
There’s a lady on the block, a little old lady in a head scarf who every day gives bread to the birds and the cats and dogs. This seems to be her genuine joy and we don’t want to take this away from her. We call her the bread lady and she always smiles, always. But she doesn’t know anything for sure either.
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